Kylian Mbappé to Real Madrid

Formally announcing football’s worst kept secret!

I’m not saying I was responsible for fulfilling Mbappé’s lifelong dream of transferring to Real Madrid, but I did help make this announcement.

So if you really think about it, I’m totally responsible for fulfilling Mbappé’s lifelong dream of transferring to Real Madrid.

Here are some lines that just narrowly missed the cut.

And this one, because after 3 straight seasons of this ‘will-they-won’t-they’ schtick we were all starting to believe it would never happen: